A new me

    My life has changed so much in the years that have passed since I began this blog. Especially in the last few years that I haven't posted. SO many of the things I have had to face have changed me. I have not only grown stronger from certain struggles but found that I was stronger than I thought. I have learned to love myself. Since my post last week. I went through and read the old posts I wrote and I keep them for nostalgia but I can't help but look at them with wiser eyes and disagree with certain sentiments. 

    One of my past posts I was disagreeing with people who say you need to love yourself. I went on a rant about how I love my husband and kids more than myself. I admitted to hating myself somedays. I talked about how everyone dislikes or even hates things about themselves and that was ok. That we are our own worst enemies... I questioned if it was possible to love myself in a non vain way.

    I can't help but feel sadness and almost pity for my past self. To actually have thought and believed these things. I have grown so much. I love myself more than I can express. It is not ego. I do not believe I am better than anyone else, also I do not believe I am any less than anyone else. There aren't things I dislike about myself, just things I am improving on. There is always potential to grow and be exactly who and how I want to be. I am almost disappointed in my past post, in sharing self hating statements. I am a wonderful person and I deserve better from myself.

    Just as you deserve better from yourself. I have so much love for myself that I am able to have a full cup for others. I feel we are too hard on ourselves. Too unloving. I have been on a journey of self love and self re-discovery. I have grown so much spiritually. I am wiser not just from age but from the journey. I want to help all I can to take a journey of self love and re-discovery. To find the best life within themselves.

    I  try to help spread light and love to anyone I can. I create videos on youtube with this purpose. I make subliminal message videos to help re-wire the brain; for healing, or to be happier, or any number of things we as individuals need help and encouragement to grow. We all have the potential to live our best lives. We all have the potential to exceed our own expectations. We have the potential to achieve our goals and dreams. We just need to have faith, wisdom and courage to succeed.

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Growth through struggles

    It has been a long time since I last made a post. My life literally had been flipped upside down and inside out. The last few years have been the hardest in my life and I hope for goodness sake that I never have to face anything like them again. The country struggling with the horror/science fiction reality of the pandemic of COVID-19 and the harsh, unlivable cost of the economy are just drops in the sea of the struggles I faced. I have found my strength, my hope and my light.  

    I have rebuilt myself from the rubble of my experiences, the ashes of who I once was. Growing into a new me. Each day is a step up the hill out of the crater of destruction and pain. Every minute the past is further behind and I have learned how to love myself.

    One thing I have learned is in trying and failing I learn and grow. Instead of being too afraid and never making progress at all. I know for a good part of my life I was afraid of so much. The last few years have crushed my walls and boundaries and pushed me out of my comfort zones. Those struggles and painful years took away my security in the life I was living. A life in a safety bubble. Thrown into the depths of my fears. Failing at escaping them, I grew to face them. 

    Through facing my fears. In encountering all of the struggles that the last few years has presented me. I have learned true forgiveness, the strength and endurance of genuine unconditional love, unwavering faith, and the ability to let go of things and relationships that either don't serve me or are toxic in my life. Forcing new maturity and wisdom in place of the youthful innocence I once had.

    There are many things that I still am struggling through. Growing into a stronger, healthier relationship and fighting my own insecurities at the same time. Raising smart, beautiful, amazing children who test EVERY boundary I have, nearly every waking moment. Seeing my oldest grow and begin his life away from home, brings not only pride but pain and a whole new set of fears to face. Surviving in this pandemic and failing economy. Having an ever growing list of goals and ambitions, knowing to succeed I have to risk failure. Also knowing that if I fail  I can grow success from it. Either way making the attempt.

    So through my struggles and failures, past and present, I have grown and still grow. I have started a journey to help bring light, love and beauty into other peoples lives. I have a Youtube channel centralized around this goal. As well, I create products on Spring.com with this purpose.

I hope I can help enlighten and inspire anyone I meet to love themselves, grow beyond their boundaries, and to spread light and love to all they meet. So, with that I hope for your love, light, and growth.

Be true to you, be the light in the world. Thank you.

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