Choosing Joy: Making happiness a habit

 

    When I was little, whenever I was sad my dad would tell me to "just be happy". There where many times I was annoyed by this statement, especially as a teenager, especially because it is dismissive of the emotions I was actually experiencing. As I've grown older though, I have found strength in choosing my state of being. 

What if we could just choose to be happy, and make a habit out of it.

Let's begin with what a habit is.

Meriam Websters definition is

-a settled tendency or usual manner of behavior

-an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary

-a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity or increased facility of performance

    Most people are going through their days letting circumstances and situations trigger their emotions and often allow themselves to be controlled by their own emotions and narrative, rather than controlling themselves. I often calm my hot headed son down by asking if he's in charge of him or if his anger is.

    I fully believe that we should embrace and feel each emotion we experience completely, but I also believe that we should limit how long we dwell on situations that we struggle with. Like baking cookies if you try to move on too fast, take the dough out too soon, its still raw, unhealthy and could make you sick. Dwelling leads to a burnt cookies and possibly smoke and consuming fire. Ignoring the cookie dough, pretending it doesn't exist, leaves a growing mess of toxicity, which takes longer to clean up than it would've to address in the first place. Only when you face, embrace, and accept the emotion should you let it go.

    There has been findings that suggest autoimmune disease in women is linked to repressed emotions, especially anger and stress. We need to learn to allow ourselves to feel our emotions in a healthy way, not by bottling or exploding. Here is a link to an article from Harvard about this.

    I encourage you to make a habit out of happiness.  Not toxic positivity, feel all of your emotions, but train your mind and body to have happiness at your baseline. 

    Many people live their life in neutral or lower as their baseline of existence. The general population of the world has shown increasing amounts and growing numbers of people suffering from a mental health crisis. 

Some tips to help you create a habit of happiness

• Look for the good things

• Smile at yourself in the mirror 

• Practice gratitude 

Some ideas to build a habit of happiness

Mindful Meditation 

Gratitude exercises 

• Keep a gratitude journal Free Gratitude Exercise Page
• Appreciate the present moment 
• Begin and end each day with gratitude. Reflect on what you are thankful for
• Express gratitude to others

Physical and mental movement 

• Movement such as walking or exercise
• Reading
• Mind strengthening puzzles like crossword, sudoku, etc.

Social interaction

• Enjoying time with friends, family and loved ones
• Making new friends or meeting new people

    I have found that when I actively choose to be happy and find the good things in front of me the happier I do feel. I face what emotions that come up, acknowledge them, understand them and move on.

"Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

-Abraham Lincoln

    I encourage you to take one step towards choosing happiness whether it is smiling at yourself, seeing the beauty in your life, being grateful for anything even something small or strengthening your friendships. Don't ignore the bad things, or negative emotions, allow yourself to experience them, embrace them, accept them and let them go. Live your life. Choose joy and happiness whenever you can. 

There is good all around if we are mindful to look for it. 

5-Minute Mindfulness Practices for Busy Lives

5-Minute Mindfulness Practices for Busy Lives

    Life is busy. Whether its the demands from work, school or home. Our society seems to be structured to keeps us going all of the time. With that busyness we burnout, get stressed and forget the important things. Sometimes we need to take a break and re-center ourselves.

    Being mindful is choosing to be present in the moment you are currently experiencing. Not dwelling in the past or worried about the future. 

    Choosing to be mindful and being present allows you to put down the baggage of yesterday and worries of  tomorrow. When life is already busy and demanding being present is the healthiest way to process life.

Some methods for mindfulness  are

Grounding 

Imagine you’re in a ‘happy place’.  I have many, a field of sunflowers or a tree by a stream. 

Tune into your senses 5-4-3-2-1 technique where you list:

• 5 things you can see
• 4 things you can touch
• 3 things you can hear
• 2 things you can smell
• 1 thing you can taste

Breathwork

• The 4-7-8 breathing exercise

• Box breathing

Meditation 

Pause and observe your thoughts

    In 2020 life was very difficult. I found myself imagining I was in a happy place whenever life felt to heavy to hold. Over the years the happy place or places have changed and evolved based off of my internal emotional needs. I highly encourage utilizing your imagination to give yourself a moment to feel safe and breathe. 

I got into meditation and breath work then as well. I love the 4-7-8 method. It pulls your focus into the moment you are in.

There are so many benefits for choosing to be mindful. 

Some noted benefits from the  American Psychological Association are:

• Reduced Stress
• Reduced negative thinking and rumination
• Boosts memory
• Boosts focus
• Reduces emotional reaction
• Improves relationship satisfaction
• Immune function
• Improvement to well being
• Increases empathy
• Increases compassion
• Decreases anxiety and depression

"I have really focused on mindfulness. That helps me make better choices both physically, psychologically, and emotionally."

-Kathy Bates

Take 5. 5 minutes to breath, 5 minutes to ground, 5 minutes to re center yourself in the moment you are living. Live life in the now. Embrace it.

Image credit to - geralt - Pixabay.com

Positivity in Quotes

 Positivity in Quotes

Quotes are our link to others who have lived, loved and lost.

    I started my YouTube channel years go when I was going thorough a really hard time. I wanted to send a message to the world that there is still good in the world even when life seems hopeless. A message that says you are not alone. I began making daily videos each with a single quote. I feel like adding quotes from people from all of the world, different walks of life and living from different times still shows that no matter how much the world around us changes, we are still human. Humans having human experiences. 

Quotes that boost positivity works like affirmations but with human experience reinforcing it.

    Quotes are a lifeline to other people. People who have lived through whatever were going through or worse. They are the light at the end of the darkness. Wisdom, patience and kindness can be found in the words of others, if we choose to listen. Beacons of hope.

    Some people like to buy those daily calendars that each day has an inspirational quote. I like to visit brainyquotes.com. There are other websites full of quotes but for the last few years it has been my favorite. Write down quotes from your loved ones.

When in need of inspiration

• Buy a daily quote calendar
• Look online for topic specific quotes
• Keep a journal page of quotes you like and resonate with

    Doing my daily quote videos helped me. It helped brighten my days when they weren't so good. They helped bring positivity to friends and loved ones who saw them. Kind and wise words from others is like a beacon in a dark world. A practice I plan to begin again.

"People who don't like inspirational quotes are the people who read them, but don't actually comprehend them or take them to heart."

-T. J. Watt

    I encourage you to search out the quotes and words of others. Hear the meaning. See the lived experience in the letters. Allow the encouragement from someone passed to give courage for your future. 

Live happily, bravely and positively. One day leave behind your own quotes for others to live by.

Get your free Quotes worksheet here!!

Cultivating Patience Through Presence

Cultivating Patience Through Presence

    I can't speak for all, but I'm sure most people can relate. As a mom of many I often find myself busy. The busier I am, the more rushed I feel, the less patience for things or people I have. The more I find myself focusing on the have to's, and the less I am aware of the right now. The more I am stressed the more likely I am to not have patience with people, or things. Taking time to learn about and practice mindfulness has helped me create and grow my ability for patience.

    An analogy I think of when I look at the times I am over extending myself, pushing busyness, feeling rushed, pulled in a million directions, or stuck in the past, it is like I am not only trying to make and eat todays meals but yesterdays and tomorrows as well.

    When we are not being present we are either dwelling in our past or anticipating tomorrow. When you take on too many tasks, thoughts and emotions, you lose your ability to handle the now.  As many parents know when you are overstimulated or stressed by life the people who make us snap are usually our kids, significant others and loved ones, if not the innocent bystanders on the road or in the store. When you allow yourself to put down the thoughts, emotions and stresses from yesterday and tomorrow, live in the now. Life feels a lot more livable and patience is much easily learned.

    It matters not only for your person and professional relationships to have mindfulness and patience but also for your own mental health

Some tools for mindfulness and presence

Meditation

Grounding

Affirmations

Quick mindfulness exercises 

Breath work

Meditation

Choosing to meditate in the morning, evening or both for a few minutes, can set your mode for the day, release the days stresses and allow you to process and let them go.

Grounding

Grounding (earthing) is easy and simple stand barefoot in a lawn, or barefoot touching the earth for 10-20 minutes a day. It helps bring you back to where you are, when you are. It helps also by aligning your biological clock with the Earth's natural electrical and magnetic fields, resetting your circadian rhythm.

Affirmations

Affirmations help you choose where your thoughts are focused 

The 5-4-3-2-1 Sensory Method

 Identify:

• 5 things you can see
• 4 things you can physically feel 
• 3 things you can hear
• 2 things you can smell 
• 1 thing you can taste 

Box Breathing: 

Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, and hold for 4 seconds. Repeat 3-4 times.

These exercises help bring you out of past/future thinking and into the now. When you are in the now it is easier to have calm and patience.

    I have found in being present and mindful, putting down yesterdays sorrows and tomorrows worries, experiencing the now is a gift. By not being stressed out by things outside of my control. I have the ability to maintain patience when things are thrown my way. Whether its a temperamental teen, sick kid, bad driver or unexpected bill. It's not too much to handle when you are only handling today.

Mindfulness is about love and loving life. When you cultivate this love, it gives you clarity and compassion for life, and your actions happen in accordance with that.

-Jon Kabat-Zinn

    I encourage you to put down yesterday and tomorrow. Just sit with and enjoy the now you are living in. You cannot erase yesterdays pain, worrying about tomorrow won't prevent negative things from happening. Don't carry anything but today. Have the mind to have patience for the people you love, the world around you and most important of all, yourself. 

All you really have is now.

Photo credit : CreativeCanvasShop - Pixabay.com

Meditation Myths and What Really Matters

Meditation Myths and What Really Matters

    I began meditating in 2019. I was working full time over nights and my life was quite difficult. So I turned inwards. I have gone through many phases and theories of what meditation is, what is isn't and how to do it "correctly". This field of interest had boomed over the last 5-6 years. Most likely from people searching for inner peace in a world full of chaos. I wanted to share with you some of the myths I have succumbed to and the truths about meditation I have discovered on my way.

    If you are anything like me, you have looked into meditation. Sometimes the idea of it is overwhelming. Taking time to be still in a world that is always demanding every second. Trying to find silence when there is noise coming at you from all angles. Trying to force inner peace when everything around seems to be on fire.

    Meditation is often viewed as a way to regulate your nervous system and bring inner peace by calming the mind but in exchange for long meditation sessions, silence (inner and outer), and focused effort to achieve your desired effects. But these are myths

It's important to realize what meditation really is, how it works and how you can make it work for you.

Myth: You must clear your mind. 

-In reality, thoughts are natural; meditation is about noticing them without getting caught up in them.

Myth: You have to sit on the floor cross-legged. 

-You can sit in a chair, on a couch, or anywhere comfortable with your back supported.

Myth: It takes hours to see results. 

-Even 5-10 minutes daily can significantly reduce stress and improve mood.

Myth: It is about "concentration." 

-It is actually about relaxation and letting go, not forcing the mind.

Myth: It is for spiritual people only. 

-Meditation is a universal practice for mental health that anyone can use.

Myth: You cannot be, or are not, meditating if you feel restless. 

-Restless feelings are simply things to observe, not a sign of failure

Some helpful tips

• Set aside a few minutes each morning or night to meditate. The morning meditation is beneficial for setting the tone of your day but also meditation at night it a wonderful way to release the stresses of the day. You don't need to spend hours meditating. 

• When you go to meditate it's really important, regardless of the amount of time you choose, to remove distractions for that time. Quiet your phone, turn off the tv, set some meditation music if you need.

• Make sure you are comfortable and supported. It doesn't matter if you are on the couch on the floor in your bed. I used to meditate in my car on my lunch break.

• While meditating don't fight thoughts.  Watch them come and go. I like to imagine the thoughts are fish in a pond. I can watch but I don't need to catch them. 

• Remember it's not about concentration. Many people struggle with letting go and relaxing. You don't need to control the mind. The thoughts a slippery fish, don't fight them. Just breathe and watch what comes up.

• Observe. Your thoughts but also your body. Your body is a messenger of thoughts too. If you are feeling restless, or fidgety, it's just your mind expressing something to you. If you feel to stressed to sit and meditate, be kind to yourself and try again later. 

• Be calm, breathe and trust yourself. Let go.

    I used to fight my thoughts, and get frustrated with myself. I wondered what was wrong with me. Wondered why my mind was always 'on'.  Turns out nothing is wrong. I have a healthy mind, full of thoughts. Be graceful with yourself if you are just starting with meditation or if you have been with it for some time. It is a mindfulness technique. There to help calm you, not stress you.

"Exercise, prayer, and meditation are examples of calming rituals. They have been shown to induce a happier mood and provide a positive pathway through life's daily frustrations."

-Chuck Norris

I invite you to be kind with yourself, breath and relax and let meditation work for you. 

Photo credit : CreativeCanvasShop - Pixbay.com

 The Power of a Smile and What It Attracts

    A smile is one of the simplest, most universal expressions of human connection, and it’s also one of the most powerful. It can brighten a room, soften tension, and shift the energy of an entire interaction within seconds.

And the best part?
A smile costs nothing, but the impact it leaves can be priceless.

    Did you ever notice when you are having a bad day seeing someone you love smile helps turn it around, or a simple smile from a stranger in the super market? How about when you see a loved one who is down, do you smile at them when you are attempting to cheer them up?

    A smile is a signal that we are experiencing something that we like or enjoy but also choosing to smile and making the conscious decision to lighten your load and the load of those around you is so important for your mental and emotional health and the mental emotional health of the people in your life.

A smile is a reaction but it is also a tool.

It sends signals to your brain, your body, and the people around you. When you smile, you aren’t just expressing positivity,  you’re creating it.

Science even shows that smiling:

• Boosts “feel-good” chemicals like dopamine and serotonin

• Lowers stress hormones

• Relaxes muscles

• Improves mood (even fake smiles can help!)

• Strengthens social bonding

It’s a small action with an enormous ripple effect.

What a Smile Attracts Into Your Life

1. Positive Energy

Smiling naturally shifts your internal state. When your face softens, your body follows. And when your body relaxes, positivity flows more freely.

Your smile literally tells your nervous system: “I’m safe. I’m okay.”

From that state of safety, creativity, joy, and calmness grow.

2. Kindness and Connection

Smiles create instant connection, even between strangers. Think of the last time someone smiled at you in passing. It probably made you feel acknowledged, seen, or simply lighter.

A smile says:
“I come with friendliness.”
“You’re safe with me.”
“We’re in this together.”

People naturally gravitate toward warm energy.

3. More Positive Interactions

A smile is magnetic. People respond to you differently when you lead with warmth.

Smiling can:

• Make conversations smoother

• Ease tense moments

• Encourage openness and trust

• Improve cooperation

The energy you express is often the energy you receive.

4. Opportunities and Goodwill

Whether in work or personal life, a smile:

• Makes you appear more approachable

• Builds rapport quickly

• Strengthens first impressions

• Signals confidence and ease

People feel more comfortable connecting with someone who smiles — and opportunities tend to follow connection.

5. A Calmer, Happier Inner World

This might be the biggest gift of all.

When you smile more often:

• You notice beauty in small moments

• You feel more present

• You appreciate life more fully

• You respond instead of react

• You shift from stress to gratitude

A smile brings you home to yourself

The Smile You Give Away Always Comes Back

One smile can:

• Change someone’s day

• Interrupt their spiral

• Offer comfort

• Spread joy forward

• Inspire another smile

It’s like lighting a candle your flame stays bright, and now someone else’s does too. And the beautiful thing? You’ll often receive more warmth, connection, and kindness in return, simply because you extended it.

A Simple Smiling Practice for the Week

Try this mindful experiment:

Smile at 3 people each day (a cashier, a coworker, a stranger, a neighbor)
 Notice how it shifts your mood.
 Notice how it shifts their reaction.
 Notice how it shifts the energy of your day.

Positivity doesn’t require big gestures.
Sometimes, it starts with something as small and powerful as a smile.

"A warm smile is the universal language of kindness."

-William Arthur Ward

    For the next week be mindful with your smile. This world is a heavy thing we all carry and it will lighten the weight you carry when you lighten it for someone else. Remember smiling for yourself as well. If you start feeling stress or sadness for whatever reason take a moment and smile, look for something in your life that is good and beautiful. You might someday realize it's you.

So, in the great words of Bobby McFerrin "Don't worry, be happy"

Get free Smiling worksheet here!

Spreading Positivity During the Holidays

Spreading Positivity During the Holidays

     The holidays are near. I come from a big family and turned around and had a big family of my own. Some years seem blissful and magical while others wither in stress, debt, sadness or worry. This year has been a challenging one for most everyone it seems in one way or another. I am setting the intention to spread love, light and positivity, even through just a smile, to help brighten the days and lives of those around me, and in turn brightening my own life as well.

    

    The holiday season brings a mix of magic, warmth, and connection but it can also bring stress, expectations, and emotional overwhelm. Thanksgiving is around the corner and Christmas is shortly after it's normal to be filled with many different emotions and feelings. It has been shown that stress increases during the holidays. Stress from tight financial situations, family dynamics, or simply S.A.D seasonal affected disorder. Regardless of what holiday you do or don't celebrate you too might be affected by the increased pressure and stress of this time of the year. Instead of letting yourself or loved one succumb to the seasonal stress spread some love and positivity.

    Spreading positivity is mindfully choosing to be light and love. Choosing kindness for yourself and others. It is relieving your stress and the stress of others. Reminding everyone what the true meaning of these holidays are. 

    People reflect on the past year, feel the pressure of gatherings, or manage loneliness, grief, or financial strain. Because of this, small acts of kindness carry even more weight. Spreading positivity helps relieve the momentary stress from loved ones, strangers and yourself.  A survey conducted in 2023 states "nearly nine in 10 (89%) say that concerns such as not having enough money, missing loved ones and anticipating family conflict cause them stress at this time of year,". Stress, anxiety and depression are often considered normal, maybe they shouldn't be. Our ancestors celebrated these times with mirth, warmth, and feasts. 

Spreading positivity 

Begin with yourself. You can't pour from an empty cup

• Meditate 
• Be mindful. Set intentions for yourself, and your day.
• Ground yourself when stress starts to wear on you.
• Hold space for yourself. Be supportive and understanding of your emotions and feelings. Don't be judgmental with yourself. 
• Let yourself feel your feelings, authenticity creates deeper connection. Positivity doesn’t come from forcing cheerfulness. It comes from inner steadiness.
• Protect your peace (positivity has boundaries!) Spreading positivity doesn’t mean: overcommitting, people-pleasing, pretending everything is perfect. You spread far more joy when you’re grounded and balanced. Say no when needed. Rest when needed. Your energy matters.
• Release expectations. Take things as they come and let them go as easily. Most of things you deal with won't matter in 5 years.

With others

• Be observant, whether it is a loved one or stranger, simply by observing you can see stress, anxiety or even sadness. Do something kind for them a hug for a loved one, even just a smile for a stranger. "To be loved is to be seen."
• Hold space  for them. Sometimes all people need is for someone be fully present and supportive for them without judgment, without someone trying to fix their problems, or making their experience about them..
• Allow them grace. People are stressed and can become sometimes downright nasty, but you don't have to meet them on that level. As I often tell my children you can't fight fire with fire you'll only make a bigger fire, and make things worse. Show up to unpleasant people and situations with love, kindness, patience, understanding, and forgiveness. The grace like Bob Cracthit has for Mr. Scrooge.
• Be grateful to the people in your life. Share your words of appreciation to those around you.
• Be mindful and present. Put down the devices, turn of the tv. Listen.
• Small acts of kindness. Hold the door. Let someone go ahead in line. Leave a kind note. Check in on a neighbor. Share a homemade treat. Small touches create emotional warmth. A simple smile.
• Be giving

    It is time to abandon the idea of perfect holidays, the brainwashed idea that the best gifts are the most expensive ones, having unrealistic expectations of yourself and of the people around you. It is time to embrace each other with love, grace and kindness. Take every moments as it is and to fully live in the moment. To love and appreciate the real gifts of our lives, our loved ones. Our families and or our friends.

"I think happiness really happens when you least expect it: it's when you're not really thinking about it, when you're not trying to achieve it, when you're not trying to get the perfect holiday, the perfect life, the perfect body, the perfect existence."

-Bill Bailey

Be mindful this holiday season to be positive and spread it through love and kindness to all you meet.

Joy spreads even in the Smallest Moments

One smile.
One kind word.
One warm gesture.
One moment of presence.

This is how positivity spreads, through tiny, intentional choices that make the holiday season feel brighter for everyone around us, including ourselves.

You don’t need to fix anyone’s holiday.
You don’t need to be “perfectly festive.”
You simply need to show up with kindness.

And that is more than enough.