5 things

    I have next to no self esteem. People, books, websites and more tell me to 'love me for me', that 'I have to love myself before I can ever truly love someone else, etc. I can honestly say I love James more than myself. My kids more than myself. In fact some days I hate myself. Sure everyone automatically shoots this down but I can't except there points no matter if they're valid, meaningful or neither. In my perspective most if not all people dislike or even hate something about themselves. You know what, that's ok and normal. We're human and no matter that people want us to love ourselves and each other we can't escape our own minds. We are our own worst enemies, always tougher on ourselves than ANYONE else. 

    I'm not going to tell you to convince yourself you're perfect and should love yourself. What I will tell you is we're human and no matter what you love or hate about yourself, it's ok. If it is possible to truly love yourself (in a non vain way) then the road there is taken in baby steps. You can't (normally) wake up and decide that you're perfectly happy with yourself. You'd be lying to yourself. It's a process. It takes time. Like everyone says there are no real short cuts in life. Admitting you dislike anything or like anything about yourself it hard for a lot of people. If people really knew how people feel about themselves they'd feel vulnerable.

Well here are my top 5 things I hate about myself.
- I hate how no matter how I am I will never feel like a good enough wife to James or mother to my kids. I constantly feel like a failure, even if I'm not.
- I hate how I tend to forgive people to quickly, forget so easily. But when I need to forgive most importantly I can't let it go.
- I hate how I always care what people think, and value their opinions above my own.
- I hate that I am a perfectionist.
- I hate the number on the scale and the extra weight I carry yet constantly try to lose. The scars from my children.

    Do you know why I think it's healthy to have these dislikes? Because once I acknowledge them, I then can either learn to live with them, accept them and eventually not have them as things I hate but maybe cherish. Or once I acknowledge them, then I will have the power to accept them and change them. Like I said loving yourself isn't a over night spurt. If it were there wouldn't be so many sad people.

So to lighten up my post a touch. Here are the top 5 things I love about myself :-)

- I love that I chose James as my husband, and that he chose me. He is the best man God could have designed, just  for me.
- I love that I chose to have so many beautiful children. They truly are a gift, even at their worst.
- I love the family that raised and shaped me into who I am today.
- I love my imagination and creativity, it is endless.
- I love how open minded I am.