Letters to God

    I can honestly say in the last 13 years there has never been a time in my life where I didn't find comfort in the sound of Tom DeLonge's voice. His voice could make  me feel in love, happy, and it was something I latched to when sad. Whether he was in Boxcar Racer, Blink 182, Angels and Airwaves. His music always made the day better and life survivable at times.

    His lyrics always moved me, and his voice always made them sink deep within me. There are many singers out there who have a similar effect on me, but his have had the deepest impacts and, longest.

This is one song that I love. It helps me through hard times, it was my favorite when my grandma died.

                                                                  "Letters To God"

caught off guard
all worked up
the air is as dark and cold as night
let me go
i'm not done
i swear i'll take just one lifetime and i

i won't lie
i won't sin
maybe i don't wanna go
can't you wait
maybe i don't wanna go

i should've asked
i could've helped
at least a fucking 1,000 times before
will this offer get me in
or does this prove that they gave more and i

i won't lie
i won't sin
maybe i don't wanna go
can't you wait
maybe i don't wanna go

and i
i won't lie
i won't sin
maybe i don't wanna go
can't you wait
maybe i don't wanna go

and i
i won't lie
i won't sin
maybe i don't wanna go
can't you wait
maybe i don't wanna go

Lyrics are from of A-Z lyrics

Here's also a lyric video of the song From YouTube.com

I hope everyone can enjoy his voice as much as I do.
Thank you Tom DeLonge for making the music you do.

Weight loss Wednesday

    I just found out I have a little less than 2 weeks to lose some weight before my husband's annual party for work. I understand weight is a sensitive issue among all women, all people. Most can't lose it, some can't gain it. It is a sore spot for all in this society. I know I'm blessed to have the body, shape, and weight I do for someone who has had 6 kids. My whole point is you should love you for you, and if there is something you want to change then change it. I think people should be happy with themselves. So even thought I look good for someone who had 6 kids, I want to look better and be healthier for me. I want to feel beautiful and elegant. I want to look like a trophy wife at the party.

    My ultimate goal is to lose 12+lbs. It's not a lot but they're stubborn. I hope I'll lose at least 5. I am 132lbs. I'm also 5'2" so 132lb isn't light. I have put off working out and eating right so much. I'm so tired and busy with my family that I'll forget or think I'll start next Sunday. Nope. Never works. I woke up this morning and thought 'If I don't start today I might never start. This will be day 1 for me. I am going to limit sugar and grains. I will exercise. I am taking Hydroxy Cut. But more for the energy it gives me, than for the diet pill side of it. God knows I need energy.

I'll post my loses or gains on Saturday February 8th. The day of the party. Wish me luck.

Here I am no make up or touching up. Letting it all show.

My love

    Yesterday was my wonderful husbands birthday. I have had the privilege to be with him for the last 9. I feel so blessed to have met such a wonderful person. We have had bad times, and good, we have gone through so much together. I can't imagine the life I'd have without him in it. The person I would be. He is my center. I love him with all of my heart and all want for him is his happiness.

    I remember the first time I saw him. I thought he was gorgeous. So did MANY other girls. All of the freshmen girls called him the Hot Senior. My friend who introduced us called him "The Bod". Ever since that day I would walk from my eighth period class to the bus a different way just to watch him playing catch with his friends. My heart always raced (and still does) when I was near him. We never talked in school. My friend who introduced us said he was her boyfriend, or one of them. Later I found out he never was. I am glad, though, that we didn't date in high school. He was a teen boy and his mind really was only on one thing back then. I don't know if we would have worked out back then without the experiences that formed us into who we were when we first dated.

    Our first kiss was completely peer pressured, I'm glad it was though. My sister and her husband (who was his best friend) invited me to their Halloween party. I couldn't decide if I wanted to go or not but I had to go. My hair was short and spiky and a beautiful blue back, almost completely coated in glitter. I was very afraid of his rejection. I had had my heart broken several times that year by one guy. Even though I was afraid, he was worth the possible rejection. I wore my favorite evening gown from homecoming the year before. It was a navy blue halter dress with multicolored glitter all over it and a tiny train. It was so form fitting I felt so beautiful. I don't know why I didn't dress up as anything but I just wanted to be beautiful in case he was there. I showed up and he was there he was a little drunk. He was dressed as a zombie motorcyclist. I met him in the hall and talked to him. He was upset he and his girlfriend had broken up. It was so hard to feign sympathy when inside I felt like jumping for joy. We ended up hanging out inside my sisters room with her and her husband watching movies. They knew I liked him. They urged us to snuggle and cuddle. Through out the night they kept nagging us to kiss. I felt so embarrassed. Eventually we caved and kissed so they'd leave us alone. If only I had known then he liked me too. Maybe I wouldn't have been so scared or shy. I remember sitting in front of him with his arms wrapped around me, watching movies. Leaning on him. This guy I had had a crush on for over a year. The Hot Senior, The Bod. I can barely remember what movies we watched, I couldn't hear or think over my heart beating so fast and hard and my praying he couldn't feel it, too. It was an amazing night and two days later he invited me over to watch The Matrix with him. After the movie he asked me to be his girlfriend. Obviously I said yes. The rest is history.

    Like I said earlier we have had our good times and our bad. But I love him more than anything. My heart still beats frantically when I see him. Hear his voice. He truly is an amazing man. I can't wait to spent the next 60+ birthdays with him. God willing.

Happy birthday James. You're the best husband I could have ever hoped for.

I love you  more each day. 

2 years

    So long and yet so fast.
Its been over two years since my last post. So much in my life has changed. My family has grown. I have another son who is one now. Two little nephews, one is about 8 months old and another who is about 4 months. Beautiful babies. I have moved. I am hoping to move again soon, to find a home of my own. I have built up some old relationships, formed new ones, while others have sadly diminished.
 My husband  and I are still hopelessly in love. We have our good days and bad but there aren't very many bad ones. He is so amazing, and strong through all of the crap we have been throught together. He is such a blessing in my life. My oldest is getting tall and emotional. I love him and I hope puberty isn't as hard on him as I fear it might be. If he is anything like his biological father he will be taller than me in no time. He's 10 and comes up to my nose. My oldest daughter has begun to be emotional as well. I am worried their puberty is going to be the end of me. I love them, but I don't know how to help them through this. This is all new to me in the aspect of being a parent. My 3rd  is in school now. He seems to love it. He has friends which I thank God for. My fourth will begin in Kindergarten in the summer when my oldest begins 6th grade. I can 't believe it, middle school. My fifth is such a beautiful little drama queen. She acts like a teenager trapped in a two year old's body. And my yougest is a fun little mess of a boy. He can't make it through the day being clean.
     I have picked up another hobby almost two years ago. I was pregnant with my youngest and I didn't know if he was a he or a she and I began making hair bows. I was a little surprised (shouldn't have been) when we found out he was a boy. I hope to begin to blog again and hopefuly get up to everyday.
 I still love to write. I am still writing the story I began 15+ years ago. I must write it or I won't be able to move past it or grow as a writer.

I hope that this blog will help me grow. Wish me luck.