Friends

   I am a huge family person, as most people know. Often through out my marriage my husband has been concerned with my small amount of friends. I have never really had a best friend. God love him, he is a social person. I used to be. When I was a kid I thought everyone was my friend even the kids who made fun of me because of my missing teeth, cloths that didn't fit and had holes or how I smelled. Yes I was a weird kid, as a child, an outcast and I tried ALL the time to be friends with everyone. In middle school I wasn' t so odd, I had a friends but no serious ones. In high school I had many friends who came and went. A lot because I had a boyfriends, if I had a boyfriend my life was eclipsed by them and everyone and everything took a back seat in my life.

   I let many relationships go for petty and selfish reasons. Some have ended for no reason and others for very big reasons. It is very hard for me, now, to let people get close to me. I keep any and all friends now at arms length. I love my friends, and care about them deeply.I would do a lot for them. I just have some trust issues. A little anxiety. I am always concerned if I am saying the right things or not. Worrying about what they think if me. If I am annoying to them. James tells me I worry too much about what other people think of me.

   To my friends and exfriends, I want to apologize. I always see memes saying to forgive people even if they never apologize, so I am going to apologize even if they don't forgive me. So if you see an apology that fits its probably for you.

Dear friends,
I am sorry if we don't see each other enough.
I am sorry if I get defensive when I feel strongly about something
I am sorry if I don't talk enough or too much
I am sorry if sometimes life takes me from you
I am sorry if I ever offend you, I never mean to
I am sorry if I don't live up to you expectations, or morals
I am sorry if I have different beliefs than you and you're not ok with that
I am sorry I like my hobbit-like life

I am sorry I am not a better friend

And thank you for being my friend, putting up with my crap,
letting me be me and supporting me no matter how ridiculous

Thank you

Leisure

   I have been meaning to post. Life has been crazy my kids were pukey sick that whole week after my husbands birthday. Also I decided one thing I really want to do this year is to finish everything that I have started for James and haven't finished. I have a blanket that I wrote the pattern for, I had about 10 paintings, but now only one. I will post those pictures hopefully today. I have been trying to kind of take a break from a lot. As all parents know there is no real breaks, weekends, or vacations from our job.  But I was getting very stressed out, I was having anxiety because of my kids and that's never happened before, so I decided to let the house go for a while and not let the little things weigh on me. Also another reason for the lack in posting. In light of this short check in post, I just want to tell all parents that there is no shame in taking a break, de stressing, having alone time even if that means running dungeons on WoW, or eating too much chocolate, or even sleeping too much ( I can only thank my husband, sisters and older kids for letting me sleep.) 

    Never be ashamed of taking care of yourself no matter how big or little, if it makes you feel guilty for a short while, just remember you will be a better person, parent and you when you take care of yourselves. Be your own Valentine every once and a while.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone.